Hope of Glory

The Death Of Gaddafi

2011-10-22T13:21:00.001+08:00

NATO called an end to its air war in Libya, and the clan of Muammar Gaddafi demanded a chance to bury the body that lay on display in a meat locker after a death as brutal and chaotic as his 42-year rule. I read this from The Star Newspaper today.

Starting a career in politic is just like getting into any other careers, it's a matter of choice. The difference is the motives behind that decision, perhaps luck and opportunity do play their roles. But ultimately, how ones pursue down the road is very much depending on individual decision, i.e. thier choice.

Not all politician will end up like Gaddafi, of course. The food for thought, when ones get into Gaddifi's over-the-past-42-year position, most probably, he/she will be blinded by the possession of power and weath as well in such environment. As a result, ones may ended up like Gaddafi, who knows.

On the other hand, as a general public, we see things from our own perspective and we maintain a balance between what is humanly acceptable and what is not. I believe that happened to Gaddafi as well before he came into power. If he is still alive today but as another man on the street, perhaps he would see thing from a very different perspective as he being Gaddafi.

Hence, what is the morale of the story?

What we own and what we have possess us, not the other way around. Do you reckon? we make comments base on our own background and who we are without really realising it. Perhaps Gaddafi got into his position and let life went on auto-cruise, and ended the way as it is. Should we take a pause, slow down our pace and do an evaluation on what and who we are at the present stage. See ourselve from, perhaps Gaddafi or any other person's perspectives. Guess what would they think about us and how does that compare to our own value? Would any of these thoughts change our decision, or we may want to take a different route of life? Nevertheless, the best part is, we still alive and we still have time and opportunity, although not that much. Still, we can make a difference if we see it earlier.

Well, it's easier say than done, ultimately we live our own life and be responsible for it. Hence bear the consequences of our choice.

Lastly, if you were in Gaddafi's shoes, will you ended up like him? I invite your comments.

Next milestone of my life

2010-04-10T12:39:00.010+08:00

It has been more than a year since my last update. Am I confused with what happened in life, or just simply lazy?

When I look back, besides those inevitable changes in life, my appetite for worldly material has subdued. I thought it was just transitional at first but the feeling persisted. I have waited long enough hence drawing a conclusion, reluctantly though, it's time for me to call it a "day".

Perhaps, I am influenced by the higher frequency of natural disasters in the globe; or ageing has catching up with me more vividly! I see things very differently from both physical and spiritual perspectives. My priority in life has swifted, what was important to me before has lost its merit, and what I have ignored deliberately its significant seems to catch my full attention gradually.

I know physical life is mortal not only from today, but I chose to ignore it and be blinded with chasing the "Malaysian dreams", the so called 5Cs. I have attained what I want sometime ago, but my greed tempted me to have insatiable upgrades. It is just like the bottomless blackhole, it sucks whatever come close and the satisfaction disappears in no time. The impact is I am slaved to the material world and blinded by the vainglory.

Do I want to repeat these for the rest of my life? I am bemused and questioning myself.

My duty as a son, I am fulfiling and able to continue to fulfill.

My duty as a husband and father, I am providing and able to continue to provide up to my children's independency.

Although I have scarce resources, I guess I could make ends meet with living a thrifty life.

Enough is enough, I murmured and trying my very best to convince myself that this is the right direction to go.

Work with God instead of work for man, I concluded.

It's my turn

2009-03-20T22:08:00.005+08:00

What goes around comes around.

I know the feeling of both sides at last. I felt bad when I was assigned to do it to my fellow colleagues, and I know how it feels when the same is happening to me now.

Although I have prepared to face it since few years back, I feel lost still.

I have been working for the past 29 years and I am convinced that this is a blessing in disguise; to allow me to have a break as well as the opportunity to catch up with the latest development in the accounting industry.

Well, I am looking forward to the day that God has arranged for me, and trust that my new start will be even more exciting than previous experience.

I can now testify that I managed to take things easy is because of I am enjoying the amazing grace. I know I am okay. Not only that, I also know that my family will be okay. I have nothing to worry even though common sense tells me I have a lot to be worried about. It's great to have such opportunity to experience the grace of God.

Generation Gap or Being Forgetful??

2009-01-10T11:50:00.012+08:00

Another year end holiday is over and my sons are back to schools already. My daughter and this old couple resume our quiet and routine life again back in Penang.

I enjoyed sharing good time with my children when they were all back home. Even just merely knowing the fact that they are around without having any conversation with them, I felt joyful and satiated. I am so proud to observe the way they shared their opinions and expressed their ideas among themselves. My sons are no longer gullible young boys, I am delighted to admit that their foresight has made me reconsider my stance sometime.

Well, that said, it also means what we thought is good for them may not always gain their agreements as it used to be anymore.

Alvin is a bright young man and brave enough to stand for his decision. I am proud of the way he handled difficult situation without compromising his choice despite his mother was holding on to an opposite opinion. Surely my wife was deeply disappointed but I saw a persistent young man fighting for what he wanted. Notwithstanding what is going to be the possible outcome of his decision today, I saw his self confidence and perseverance which are the essential elements to succeed. I am convinced that he deserves a chance to prove himself but I failed to convince my wife to do so. Perhaps, it's because my value is on a happy family and not so much on my personal preference. Afterall, I believe, preference is really personal. If he managed to pass 5 professional actuary papers before he completes his basic degree, he definitely deserves the benefits of the doubt.

Andrew and I were exploring The Secret. I have been practising visualization and reap some fruits. I am so eager to share with him my experience and pleased that he found it interesting and prepared to put what he newly acquired into practice. I do believe what he learned will benefit him for a long long time. He wanted, and hence, will be going to Pennsylvania for one year out-campus study. He managed to materialize his wish even before learning The Secret, I have high confidence that this son of mine, with his usual persistency, will do much better than we anticipated.

Serene is addicted to novels. From Twilight to New Moon, and what's next? Her PMR result was good but failed her mother's expectation. My little girl has her own little world by herself and, as parents, we could not find the door to her heart anymore. Her cyber world is all kept secret and the physical door of her room is also found shut most of the time recently. What is going on?

Well, my children is my world while their world is their own.

Is this generation gap? or am I being forgetful? I have been a teenagers before, of course, and I have gone through that path before, didn't I. Why am I questioning all these afterall?

Well, nature will take its course. All I only want is let my children be always happy.

Branches Of The Vine

2008-06-21T09:41:00.001+08:00

Getting Old

2008-06-21T08:51:00.004+08:00

I am getting old, I realized.

When my sons were staying with me, their companies were taken for granted. They spent their times at home doing what they wish while I glued myself to the seat in front of the TV. It seemed we live under the same roof but in different world. We heard each other’s laughter but not sharing the same joy. They grown up in a blink of eyes while my grey hair reminds me I have aged.

When they are away to pursue their tertiary education, I miss them more than I ever realize, but when they return home to spend their school holidays, I hold them in my arms with joy for minute but soon my attention was distracted by the LCD. Could I claim that I love them full-heartedly?

I missed the opportunity to share their childhood which I could defend with glorious excuses, that I worked hard away from home in order to provide them the best a father could possibly do. But now, the side effect of such vain excuses has taken over and it becomes part of our lives.

Dear Lord, what have I done to my relationship with my sons?

I know they love me, but we all know that something is missing. It’s that little rapport that make us “friend” is lacking, or it’s that straight face I had which deeply imprinted in their memories?

How I wish I can redo these all over again.

Young Lovers

2007-08-15T15:58:00.000+08:00

Praise the Lord that my family is preserved and my children are living a healthy Church life.

Young adults are inquisitive and what life offers along their ways catches their attentions and interests. As time flees, parents tend to forget that our children have grown up and their perspective of life changes, i.e. they fall in love and see thing differently.

I was advised (if not warned) by a responsible brother who explicitly touched on this topic and I supposed to take precaution because my daughter wrote a little note to another brother. We had a closed door discussion with my young teenager and prayed that the puppy love will resolve.

The story did not end somehow and the sequel continues with our Church conducts weekly youth meeting. All teenagers get together to pursue biblical teachings as well as having fun. It’s normal that they contact each other through telephone. There is this young brother who calls my daughter regularly and their conversation is taking from half to one and a half hour normally, almost everyday. I got suspicious and talked to this young brother and advised him to concentrate on his study, and subsequently with the young boy’s concurrent I also talked with his father.

Situation did not change and my wife starts to worry.

Last night, my wife decided to talk with her “counterpart” (the boy’s mother) and hopefully both teenagers will divert their attentions to their studies instead of wasting time in chatting through phone. Our intention was to resolve it on a subtle way and nobody gets hurt.

I don’t believe in there is only “one right way” to handle situation, nevertheless the directive from our responsible brothers requested my daughter to ignore youth brothers’ phone calls. Since this is a consensus from the responsible ones, we chose to obey. Therefore, we feel obligated to inform the boy’s parents and hopefully thing will settle peacefully.

Somehow deep inside me I feel sorry for these kids. Perhaps it happened too early and in the wrong environment, or the evolvement of God’s creation has mutated where the physical clock of maturity is perceived as degraded nowadays!

Sense of belonging

2007-06-14T13:39:00.000+08:00

I was deeply disappointed, when my wife told me that my son does not have sense of belonging to the home that we live. Of course, the discontentment was supported with reasons which I could buy off if I squeeze myself into his teenager’s shoes.

I took a step back and wonder, have I ignored the fact that his is a young man and not a little kid who still requires my “protection and guidance” now? Perhaps he is right. I have too many rules and expectations which did not earn his concurrence, and what I thought was good for him may be seen as an over-restriction.

Maybe reciting a few recent cases and do a post mortem. My son decided to sign up a course and subsequently changed his mind, we spent some money and hopefully he gains something out of the abandoned course. He had an accident and damaged the family car recently. He is obviously very green in handling crisis. We sorted it out for him and skipped the reprimand, believing he learned his lesson.

My finding over these incidents is his value for money is very low.

We concern, provide the best we believe and do not mind spending money for him, but we expect at least his appreciation. What else should we do next if he does not feel belonging?

Perhaps, he is too young to appreciate us and most probably he will be enlightened after his away-from-home university life.

We are looking forward to the day with open arms patiently.

What happened to the blank memory?

2007-03-12T16:59:00.000+08:00

After a long silence, at last, I decided to take a moment off, slow down and appreciate where I am and what I still have today.

When my sons were young I worked hard and prayed for them to grow up, and my prayers have been answered. They are young men now and pursuing their tertiary education away from home. I start to realize that I did not spend too much time with them when they lived under the same roof with me. Although it’s regretted that I missed to share and cherish their childhoods, I learn to appreciate who they are today, and to appreciate their only sister while I still see her everyday at home.

My father was hospitalized last week and thank God that he is recuperating. I get the enlightenment from the incidence that I am so lucky both my parents are healthy and it only takes 20 minutes drive to see them. Perhaps I must make it a point to see them once a week to be part of their golden year living.

The company that I am working for is not doing well. I believe I have done my job and have been contributing by solving problems that were not directly related to my area of responsibility. I did grumble but I also recognize the fact that this company has fed my family for the past 8 years. Conceivably I am willing and must exhaust my knowledge to contribute to the business recovery. Hence, I am convinced that I have a lot of work to do.

The most ignored person in my life is my wife apologetically. It’s not that I took her for granted intentionally but the fact that she is always so close, so much so that I lost visibility of her sensitivity. I could not imagine what will happen to my family if I were to redo what we are today without her. Perhaps I should treasure every single moment that I have with her from now on.

Time spent without value is just blank memory. Well, I still have what I have and just simply need to be more appreciative and grateful to what is coming my way, I guess.

Touching a mirage

2006-11-06T07:00:00.000+08:00

Ever since I am seconded to Sydney alone earlier October, strolling at Darling Harbor has become one of my favorite after dinner routine pastime.

Last night, I saw a group of students gathered in front of Imax theatre. Their laughter mingled with noise, made me wondered 18 degree Celsius temperature (supposedly it’s summer now but God knows what human has done to the climate??) coupled with drizzling have no impact to their excitement at all? It seemed not obviously.

That reminded me my first school organized trip to Penang.

I was 14. My pocket money was just sufficient to cover the bus fare and I knew I had no spare money to buy food. Still I decided to go and planned to skip all meals for that over night trip. When my fellow classmates asked me to join them for meals, I pretended to be very fussy with food and hidden myself until the meal time was over. That had no impact on my excitement to the trip too. Eventually I managed to move from Kedah and settled down in Penang to nestle my own family.

I love traveling since I was a teenager. Thanks to God that I have the opportunity to have my evening strolling in one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

Having said that, although I was “Rubbing shoulders” in the crowd, surrounded by music and perfume, deep down inside I feel dead lonely in the busy CBD of Sydney. I saw shadows of my children whenever I saw teenagers passing by. Loving couples walking hand in hand, that put a little lock to my eyebrows and my hands sneak in my pocket inadvertently. I do have a loving wife, who may be experiencing the same emptiness at that very moment.

My head held high and it was the falling rain that wet my glasses.

Dear Lord, again, I don’t really know what I want. My journey in the world is just a dream. My persistency in chasing a vivid dream seems like toughing a mirage. The emptiness behind the glaring fantasy makes all ambitions loose their significance. Ironically, I have been laughing at people who chase their own tails; perhaps I should locate my own meticulously.

Dear Lord, you blessed me with three lovely children and I believe you have “programmed” me to give them the best I could possibly deliver. That’s all I know and that is the most obvious purpose of my life at this juncture of time.

I pray for your guidance.

Vain Anxiety

2006-06-22T12:20:00.000+08:00

As Homo-sapiens residing in this world, we have to plan for our basic needs, i.e. food, cloth, shelter, transport and etc. After that is satisfied tentatively, it’s also human nature that we plan for future and rainy day. Although we are well aware that our life will not last forever, we still planning as if life is immortal. In the event that we have achieved and building up certain level of financial safety net, we will attempt to plan for our descendants. In my opinion, these are where anxiety comes in.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not promoting selfishness in any way.

When I started my own family, I was worried and have to struggle to make ends meet. I traded the precious moment with my children for over-time work in exchange for better food. When thing gets a little better, I worried about my family’s quality of living and I opted to work oversea and the price I paid was away from my family. Now, things seem settled down a little, but I worry about my children’s education and future. The fact is, I am still in the realm of worrying after so many year of struggling.

Nevertheless, my experience taught me this, the toughest moment that I thought I was desperate, hopeless and saw no way out, despite as if the shadow of death was threatening, that moment get passed over just like any other moment. The difference is, those threats were seem so real and those minutes seem lasted forever. The pressures it put on me were so unbearable and torturing. However, it’s over now. The seemingly desperation was just an illusion that my mind tricked on me at that moment. Everything gets over and what remains is just a memory, and soon it will be forgotten.

What have I learned? Face it and be brave?

Well, it’s more than that.

I was tricked repeatedly until I heard Christ. As the Bible says, all things will be over except the word of God. If I have the word of God and I have God in me, all worrying is just vain anxiety. This whole fat world is a liar and only Christ is the truth, if I ever get tricked again, it means I have a problem with my faith. Hence, secure my faith with the word of God.

Yes, we still need to pay a price to survive and we still faced with challenges. Handle that with the trust in God and have peace. I have been disappointed with myself and see nothing can be done to prevent recurrence or have improvement, and the enlightenment I received is trust not myself but God.

I have to remind myself repeatedly, trust God and all anxieties are in vain.

Bad guy

2006-04-28T17:37:00.000+08:00

I have a tendency of positioning myself as a good guy, if I have the choice. Most probably this is due to the influence of Chinese philosophy or perhaps, my intrinsic preference.

Running a happy family is a combination of art and science. The balancing in applying these two theories could be very challenging at time. To meet the equilibrium, one has to change his hat frequently to commensurate the pace of its environmental changes. With growing teenage kids, I start to feel the need to modify my preferred role as a good guy.

Human is a creature of habit. My children have been living in their comfort zone since they were born. They know money needs to be earned but fail to recognize the hardship endured behind their favorite buffet lunch and cozy air-conditioned rooms. This is partly due to our pampering and to certain extent my preferred role. As I suffered material shortage when I was young and I promised myself to prevent the same from happening to my children, hence this is the consequence.

It’s time for my sons to face the world.

For their tertiary educations, I tabled harsh conditions to them:
1. They have to get scholarship by themselves; or / and
2. They have to secure study loan to finance their living expenses.
3. I will only provide bridging financing due to timing issues.

Nevertheless, upon successful completion of their choice of study and only if they manage to secure a job, I will chip in to pay their study loan repayment. Otherwise they are still responsible for their loan commitment. This arrangement may sound paradoxical, but that is the way I play my bad guy’s role and to make my sons independent.

My family is my only business and my change in role will never change who am I.

Dispute 2: Tsunami in a cup.

2006-03-16T18:12:00.000+08:00

The seemingly resolved dispute found its way to a sequel, just like a Hollywood blockbuster, the thrill and suspense remain.

We have an unexpected visitor last night. We were so excited to hear the message she brought. It seemed like a miracle and an answer to our prayer. She told my wife she felt uneasy spiritually and burdened to pay my wife a visit. The topic she touched on was exactly the answer that we prayed for. After she left my wife was still amazed by what she heard.

Unfortunately, the cat was out of the bag when my son returned.

We were extremely disappointed that my son actually washed our dirty linens in the public, and yes, your guess is right, the sister’s visit was the result of that laundry. We could not believe our ears that it spread so rapidly. To make it worse, the visiting sister is not the one that my son communicated with; she actually heard it from another sister. Dear Lord, what are we getting at?? Human is relying on their strenght to play God.

Well, it’s not difficult to imagine the excitement of the second episode. I was unprepared and get drown in the Tsunami. All I could see was an injured sheep is leaving the flock, and falling into the trap of the sneering devil. My son was deeply depressed and wordless.

I told my son to pray hard and stop the gossiping. He should fellowship with God primarily, and the Body, if he knows for sure that the person is qualified and will pray for him instead of disguising as a newscaster. It was a lose-lose night.

Thank God for a new day and a new perspective. I believe the bomb is harmless after its explosion. We still love our son and we trust that our prayers will heal the wound of the sadden sheep. The Tsunami was frightening, but with the blessing of the Lord, it took place in a cup.

Dispute.

2006-03-15T12:43:00.000+08:00

My wife and my second son had a heated argument. The hot topic was my second son’s future plan.

My second son just obtained his SPM result and he really made our family proud. With the excitement, my wife wanted to know what my son has in mind for his future. Out of her surprise and shock of her life, my son told her that he wants to be a Fulltimer in serving God. They started to exchange words and it ended up with tears and disappointment.

I get to know this after I returned from work, and I called a family meeting.

Before I started the meeting, I was bombarded with various opinions and expectations. Although I trust my experience in handling such situation to come up with a win-win solution, I turned to God. I prayed to Him that I need him to work through me. I decided to discard my dispute handling skill and let God works through me.

It was a different experience. We managed to see each other’s opinions in a peaceful way in the discussion. We managed to draw a conclusion which wipe the tears on one hand, and mitigate the unduly pressure on the other.

We all agreed that, if my son is the chosen ones, no one could stop that from happening. Otherwise, human-will will not prevail. Hence, our worry is unnecessary and our argument was in vain. Just like Moses, when he was young, smart and energetic, he thought that he could serve God with his human strength, somehow he failed. God only called him after he lost all his natural strength at the age of 80. God wants us to depend on Him, NOT our human strength or our own will.

As parents, we made it a point that we want to hear our children’s opinion and give them their due respect. After all, they are responsible for their own life ultimately. Parents are only advisors and we should not expect our opinions to be adopted all the time, for a simple reason that we don’t know everything. Our gut feel of what is good for them may be damaging to them. We can only trust God with our prayers.

I share my wife’s observation. My son seems distant ever since he attended the 4-month-perfecting-training. Although I denied the accusation of influences from certain sisters-in-Christ, I somehow get sensitive when they phone my sons too often. I admire their servings to the Lord, but they created a feeling that they are isolating our sons from us subtly. My children obeyed their instructions more than their parents’. Am I too sensitive or that’s the work of the devil? Lord, please enlighten. I pray for peace in mind in handling this. I surrender my knowledge and I truly want You to work through me, my Lord.

Scholarship.

2006-03-13T11:47:00.000+08:00

Every parent loves their children and they expect their children to excel and do well in life, I truly believe.

As time goes by, I tend to ignore the fact that my children have grown up. On the other hand, my children are being spoiled by our pampering. Human behavior is a product of habit. If I continue to disregard the fact that my children are old enough to take good care of themselves, that will limits their “growths”, at last I realized.

We thought we were caring parents. We planed most of the things for our children as we deem best for them. We promised to provide the best we could and we don’t want them to worry about even the least important matter in life. That has to stop. For we noticed that our children are participating willingly in all sorts of house work while they are away from home, but refuse to do the same at home. That puzzles us!! We also noticed that we are keener to plan for their academic advancements, i.e., application for scholarship, while they adopt a “couldn’t careless” attitude. That worries us.

What have possibly gone wrong? We scratch our heads and question ourselves.

At last we were enlightened, praise the Lord.

A butterfly has to struggle to break its cocoon before it flexes its colorful wings to fly high. If a caring-butterfly-father tries to mitigate the struggling by cutting a hole in the cocoon, the baby butterfly will miss the struggling which will equip it with the strength it needs to fly and worse still, the baby butterfly will die. The decease of the baby is caused by the love of the parent. Love kills sometime.

We decided to let go. My children are much smarter than we are, we are fully convinced. From now on, we will only provide the bare minimum financial assistance for their daily requirement, other than that, they have to fight for themselves to get what they want in life.

Oh Lord, thanks for the enlightenment and please walk with us throughout our lives.

Breakfast

2006-03-10T15:17:00.000+08:00

Our body fasted over the night, please eat your breakfast before you rush to school every morning. I told my son anxiously.

My eldest son used to be quite plump. As a teenager, I admire his determination and persistency in reducing weight. He is in good shape now. It took me a few years to cultivate the habit of exercise, and it takes me even longer to change my eating habit which I am still struggling with. My son managed to outperform me. Excellent!!

My son is a science student and I am proud of his academic achievement. Nevertheless, my perception of him is he neglects the practical part of his Bio knowledge – he skips breakfast. As my wife observed, he looks tired and lost his zest as compare to his childhood.

I read the Bible and fairly happy with my progress. Somehow, I am still lacking in the aspect of life and nature of God. I get irritated easily and my temper is still a reflection of the evil. When I served my son the above tongue lashing, I realize that I am of no difference to him. My reading of Bible remains as knowledge just like my son’s bio knowledge – a pot calling the kettle black!!

As a Christian, I am delighted that the Spirit is enlightening me from time to time, even for a small matter like this one. The Spirit takes every single opportunity to educate and mold me, if I am willing to slow down and listen to Him.

Oh Lord, I don’t want knowledge, I want life. Thanks for the way to convert knowledge to life by prayer-reading you word.

As for my son, please eat your breakfast.

Prodigal son

2006-03-10T12:20:00.000+08:00

My second son never feels home sick, he told his mother. His is away from home for about three months already.

I left my parents when I was thirteen to reside with my auntie to continue my study. I missed my family so much that midnight tears wet my pillow. My family lived from hand to mouth then and suffered tremendous material shortages, still more than half of my heart was always with them.

I love my son very much but that triggers nothing to him emotionally. I am not complaining, I am happy for him in deed. For a simple reason, I do not want him to go through what I have gone through.

He is coming back this Lord’s day. My wife is so excited and planning to cook his favorite dishes to welcome him back home, my prodigal son!!

What makes the difference between these two boys when they were away from home? I was home sick, felt empty and desperated, while my son is enjoying himself. For me, I was yet to know the Lord and had no vision of the Lord’s plan. On the other hand, for my son, I guess he is always at home. He is just blessed with the opportunity to be trained by the Lord in another locality, to get to know the Lord’s plan. Since he is at home, how could he be possibly home sick?

The Lord is with me and with him; we are sharing the same Spirit, we have many things in common. We are all at home; the Church is our real home. (7-Mar-06)

Father and daughter.

2006-03-10T12:19:00.000+08:00

My daughter is in secondary school now. It’s a trendy thing that most teenagers carry mobile phones nowadays. I thought it’s alright to allow my little girl to have one as well, despite her elder brothers never ask for it. As a motivation to her, I bought her a brand new mobile phone before she obtains her PMR result. I told her I have confidence in her, and true enough her result was very good.

After a few months, her phone bills were getting higher. We discussed and had an agreement, but she was too addicted to keep the bill to the agreed minimum. On top of that, she finds it difficult to catch up with her study. My wife sends her to various tuitions and anticipates seeing improvement.

Reluctantly, I have to admit that my “love” to her has caused her to be addicted to the mobile phone. Despite I do not understand what fun does it has to just SMS to and from with one finger typing on a miserably small keyboard on a mobile phone, and that cost us hundred over Ringgit a month!!

Gee! I was the culprit not her, as my wife rightfully pointed out.

Sometime I do grumble when my prayer is not answered, crying “where are you, God?”. It’s really an eyes opener that my little girl has taught me a lesson from this experience. What a human father offered to his children’s request may not be in their best interests, as his children do not know exactly what they are asking for.

So do I, my Lord. I saw the pain my little girl has to suffer when I decided to withdraw her mobile phone. She was in tear even though she understood the reason why I did that. My heart was broken.

Thank you, Lord, for not giving me what I naively asked to save me from the withdrawal symptom and possible damage. With regards to my cry out to you, Lord, I hear your answer now. You have been with me all these while, that’s why I am living a happy life with your abundant supplies. Thanks and praise you, my Lord. (2-Mar-06)

Branches of The Vine.

2006-02-27T13:12:00.001+08:00

Head hunted.

2006-02-27T13:10:00.000+08:00

I was head hunted for a new job.

I groaned to Chen recently that my market value has dropped because it has been awhile I did not receive any phone call from various Head-Hunters. I put the blame on my age and started to worry about the stability of my job. Then I received this call requesting for an interview. I was excited, most probably I thought my market value is up again.

After the event, I realize that I love my present job. I can’t leave my present company even the salary offered is very inviting. Why? I have been longing to find a new and better paid job, why am I hesitating?

The truths are:
1. This company has fed my family comfortably for the past 7 years;
2. This company has given me various opportunities to work in different countries in Asia Pacific, and I enjoyed that.
3. This company has subsidized my family trips to Australia and New Zealand for duration of one month each.
4. This company has financed me to get my advanced diploma.
5. I have a very good boss, I never see him loosing his temper in the past 7 years. He is just like a brother to me.
6. I am so comfortable with what I am doing, Chen’s ATM theory applies.
7. Deep inside me, I am reluctant to move to a new environment.

So, why was I groaning in vain? Well, that reveals my greed and pride. I suppose to be cheerful always with what I have. I must give thanks to the Lord for what I have. I must pray to the Lord unceasingly for what I have.

What else could I ask for? Oh! Yes, Lord, please come. That should be the only thing that I am still asking for in life - the manifestation of my hope of glory.

Overweight

2006-02-26T18:30:00.000+08:00

I am grossly overweight. According to my doctor, my ideal weight is 160 pounds, or I have to loose 20 over pounds in order to be considered normal.

One of my life favorite is food. I would have ignored all these advices if not because of my gout problem.

I came from a poor family, and one of my childhood ambition was to have sufficient and enjoy my favorite food as much as I wish and as and when I want. What an "aggresive" ambition!! And you can tell by now that I have been very successful in achieving such ambition.

If I could borrow the time machine from Steven Spielberg to travel back in time, I think I want to modify that ambition.

Well, now I realise that I am so flicker minded. What I prayed hard to get then is not really what I want today, or more appropriately, is good for me. That reminds me my grumbling with regards to my prayer not being granted. Thanks God, I must count my blessing for not granting such prayer. Because only The Lord knows what I really need and what is good for me. My experience has built such confidence in me. Praise The Lord.

I guess I have to pay the price of being too aggressive in achieving my childhood ambition, I have to do more exercise and watch my diet closely.

Life is part of doing and undoing our wishes, it is uncertain. I am so grateful that I have the consummated Spirit in me Whom is always faithful and never change.

Once upon a time, a good friend

2006-02-25T16:45:00.000+08:00

If my memory serves me right, today is my then-good-friend's 42th birthday.

I get to know Lee about 13 years ago, we worked in the same department and we built up our friendship. In that year, I was blessed with a daughter but Lee doubled the blessing with twins - 2 boys. I left the company eventually and took up an assignment in China. With blessing, we met again in a conference in Connecticut. We really enjoyed that trip.

After my assignment, I came back and worked for a local company which was severely suffered from the 1997 financial crisis. Lee took the liberty to introduce me to get my current job, for that I always indebted to Lee.

I was seconded to various countries in Asia Pacific with different assignments in the first 4 years. Finally I came back to settle down for good in 2003. I got my promotion after Lee, and I could not recall since when our ego started to outshine our friendship. I lost my mind in an incident. That yelling was a sentence to death to our friendship. I really really regretted. Set a side the reasoning of who was on the wrong, I should have treasured our friendship to endure the provocation. I apologized, but the damage was too deadly to recover.

Well, happy birthday, Lee, if you can hear me. I still remember and appreciate what you have done for me, always.

Our human relationship is fragile and our forgiveness is shallow.

That reminds me of what the Lord has done and accomplished for me. Albeit I repeatedly disappointed Him, I am still saturating in His abundant love. Praise the Lord, our relationship is enduring and it is forever. I am repenting my sins and Lord if you wish, please mend these sadden hearts and enlighten both me and Lee to learn from your unconditional forgiveness and love.

Hopefully, Lee and I will celebrate our friendship's reborn soon, just like Your resurrection. Lord, please bless your children.

Commercial Reason

2006-02-24T12:51:00.000+08:00

I have been thinking about this since yesterday morning.

The company I attach to sign an agreement with a government agent to supply desktop and notebook personal computers. One of the condition is to provide a software preinstalled with certain prescription. We are in compliance.

Nevertheless, the said agent decided to change the condition and we endeavor to comply. The changes incur additional costs to both parties. We are not only not get reimbursed for the additional cost incurred, the said agent actually requested us to subsidize thier part of cost PLUS MARGIN (described in a nice way - margin!!!).

To cut the story short, the management team decided to oblige and that really puzzle me. Although I understand the commercial reason behind the decision, I am really disappointed with how people running their business nowaday.

This society is full of greed and it seems like there is no justice, or more approprietely, justice is ignored for the sake of treat on one hand, and on the other, taken as advantage.

Praise the Lord, as a Christian I have Christ as my justice. As I said yesterday, what I want is already inside me, i.e. Christ is in me and He is my justice.

Back to work

2006-02-23T13:38:00.000+08:00

Just returned to work today after a few days off.

Life seems to be back on track and I feel comfortable in repeating the same routine job again, surprisingly. Why didn't I enjoy the few days off like what I anticipated while I was loaded with assignments and praying for a break? My instinct tells me that is because of the system/matrix of the world is firmly controlling me. In other word, what I truely want and what I am comfortable with are two different things.

I think most people would prefer to have more leisure time than working hours, especially ones have to work from nine to five, five days a week. I have the same thought. But I feel empty if I am not working. So, am I qualified to be termed as workaholic? I don't think so, I can never finish and attemp to finish all my work before I call it a day.

I guess deep inside me, I am looking for something and in the absence of the "real" something, I replace it with my career. So, that satisfies me a while before I start to complain about the hectic schedule again. Well, I don't think career is what I am looking for in life.

I have been a Christian for 11 years. I read the Bible and biblical articles quite often. Embarrass to admit that I did not recieve too much of enlightenment. But today I have this feeling to put all these in my newly created weblog, so I could come back sometime in the future to testify what I feel today. The "real" thing that I have been looking for is already in me. I just fail to recognise it. I have to recognise what God has done and arranged for me and be contented. This is yet the full meaning of it, but I can only write what I feel today.

Welcome to Hope Of Glory

2006-02-22T21:24:00.000+08:00

Agian, welcome to Hope of Glory!!

Allow me to ask you a question. Do you have a hope of glory?

You may probably ask what do you mean by that? Of couse everybody has their own ambitions and achievements. What hope of glory you are talking about? Are not my plans and resolutions glorious enough? Not to mentioned what I have achieved so far in my life.

My humber opinion is, the hope of glory is the answer to these questions:

1. Why am I here in this world;

2. What is the meaning of life if everyone is sharing the same destination.

In other words, the hope of glory is the purpose of life.

Please drop by and I promise to share with you my testimonies as we travel in time.