Thursday, June 22, 2006

Vain Anxiety

As Homo-sapiens residing in this world, we have to plan for our basic needs, i.e. food, cloth, shelter, transport and etc. After that is satisfied tentatively, it’s also human nature that we plan for future and rainy day. Although we are well aware that our life will not last forever, we still planning as if life is immortal. In the event that we have achieved and building up certain level of financial safety net, we will attempt to plan for our descendants. In my opinion, these are where anxiety comes in.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not promoting selfishness in any way.

When I started my own family, I was worried and have to struggle to make ends meet. I traded the precious moment with my children for over-time work in exchange for better food. When thing gets a little better, I worried about my family’s quality of living and I opted to work oversea and the price I paid was away from my family. Now, things seem settled down a little, but I worry about my children’s education and future. The fact is, I am still in the realm of worrying after so many year of struggling.

Nevertheless, my experience taught me this, the toughest moment that I thought I was desperate, hopeless and saw no way out, despite as if the shadow of death was threatening, that moment get passed over just like any other moment. The difference is, those threats were seem so real and those minutes seem lasted forever. The pressures it put on me were so unbearable and torturing. However, it’s over now. The seemingly desperation was just an illusion that my mind tricked on me at that moment. Everything gets over and what remains is just a memory, and soon it will be forgotten.

What have I learned? Face it and be brave?

Well, it’s more than that.

I was tricked repeatedly until I heard Christ. As the Bible says, all things will be over except the word of God. If I have the word of God and I have God in me, all worrying is just vain anxiety. This whole fat world is a liar and only Christ is the truth, if I ever get tricked again, it means I have a problem with my faith. Hence, secure my faith with the word of God.

Yes, we still need to pay a price to survive and we still faced with challenges. Handle that with the trust in God and have peace. I have been disappointed with myself and see nothing can be done to prevent recurrence or have improvement, and the enlightenment I received is trust not myself but God.

I have to remind myself repeatedly, trust God and all anxieties are in vain.